I remember a time in 2010, when someone blocked and deleted me from facebook. Prior to this we were both really important to one another. I thought he had blocked me because he hated me; we didn’t live in the same state so the internet was our only means of communication apart from phones, so thus he had blocked and deleted me from his life.

I cried cause I didn’t understand why he would do that, delete me from his life? All I wanted to know was why, when we were so close and meant so much to one another.

A few days later he contacted me through a friend and told me it was because he now had a girlfriend and he couldn’t have me on facebook cause if he did he wouldn’t be able to move on from me and be complete with his girlfriend.

He blocked and deleted me from his life so he could move on, because I, we, were hurting him too much and he couldn’t handle it anymore. It was ruining him.

At first I thought it was a weak move on his behalf, letting go cause the distance caused him a bit of pain, it had caused me pain too but I could handle it.

But now I realise, now I finally understand. It is so hard to simply delete someone from your life you care so much about, so hard to just hit that unfriend and block button and move on. It’s not that simple.

Because what if it hurts them? What if they think they made you angry or did something wrong to hurt you? Or worse, what if they don’t even notice, or care?

It takes strength to do that, and now that I understand that I don’t blame that boy at all for doing so. He needed to move on in his life, he needed to move on from me. And although that hurt me deeply, I’m happy he was able to do so and be happy with his life.

And now I need to do that, now I need to find that same strength he had to delete and block someone from facebook, and hence my life too, because it hurts me too much and I cannot be bothered with the unnecessary hassle anymore. I can’t put up with the hurt.

That doesn’t mean I do not care for him still, or love him as my friend, or even that I would not be there for him if he needed me. It just means that I need to move on from this and him so maybe one day in the future I can be friends with him and care about him as just a friend. Because at the moment I cannot continue a friendship with him.

That is what I hope. That is what I want.

And I hope people understand.